Lost Faith

Posted on Sat Feb 3rd, 2024 @ 10:17pm by

2,401 words; about a 12 minute read

Mission: Mission 1: Campor III - Resupply

It was a quiet evening as Kas and Keena sat cross-legged on cushions in Keena's bedroom. “Can you tell me another story, Papa?”

“No,” Kas smiled. “I think two stories and a song are more than enough. It's time to be still.”

“To observe the quiet?” Keena calmly.

“Yes,” Kas smiled at his daughter; he doubted she understood what the quiet was just. It was nice that she was aware of the concept. He rose to his feet and dimmed the light.

“Good night my ’Little Star,” Kas smiled.

“Papa, can you light my prayer lamp?”

Kas moved to the corner of the room, he looked at the ornate lamp that had been Keena’s mother’s. Keena’s grandmother had given it to her. He had had it fitted with an artificial candle for safety. Kas activated the light; he didn't mind her being in touch with the faith of her heritage, though he hadn’t followed the Prophets in some time. Keena had learned to pray from both her grandmothers.

“Will you pray with me Papa?” Keena asked.

“No Little Star prayer is a private matter,” Kas explained, he was surprised by her request. “I’ll leave you to it.”

“Goodnight Papa,” said as Kas moved to leave.

Kas turned to look at his child and stopped as she covered her cranial ridges with a scarf before kneeling to pray. His brow furrowed, “why are you wearing that scarf?”

“Gran always made me wear a scarf to the temple,” Keena said looking at the floor. “So the Prophets overlook my faults.”

Kas could feel his blood begin to boil, Rahl’s mother never liked him. This... “Keena take that off, you are beautiful. The Prophets love just the way you are.” He knelt and looked his daughter in the eye. “When the Celestial Temple opened its gates, it was open for all. The Emissary was human, don’t cover yourself.”

Keena took the scarf off and began to cry, “I’m sorry Papa, don’t be mad.”

“I’m not mad at you Little Star You are the most precious thing in my life.” Kas took the scarf and tucked it into his belt. “Now say your prayers, we can talk more in the morning.”

Kas walked into the living area, he was so angry he was shaking. He was grateful there were hundreds of lightyears between him and Keena’s Grandmother… he needed to blow off steam.

Kas pressed to COMM. “Razka to Rodriguez”

=/\= Go ahead =/\=

“I need you to watch Keena if you're free.”

=/\= I'll be right there =/\=

Bella entered the room and stopped when she saw Kas grippng the countertop in the kitchenette. “What's wrong? Is Key okay?”

“Can’t talk about it now,” He said, motioning to Keena’s bedroom door. “I need to go hit something. I'll be in the gym.”

She sighed, “Alright, but you should talk to somebody.”

He nodded and left. Bella waited till he was down the hall before she pressed her COMM badge.

“Rodriguez to Drylo.” Bella said.

----------

In her quarters, Feeva heard her Comms go off and set her novel down. She'd just gotten her own child to bed.

=/\=This is Feeva...=/\=

“Hey Fee sorry to bother you." Bella shook her head. "I don’t know what's going on, but Kas just left me with Key. He was heading for the gym, he looked like he was on the verge of a rage.”

Feeva sighed. =/\=Alright. Can I send my daughter up there with you? I'll be right there, then go check on him.=/\=

"Of course Fee thank you."

A bit later, Feeva had tucked the two girls into Keena's bed together, and made her way to the gym.

Kas stormed into the Gym and began pommelling a heavy punching bag the chain creaked from the force of the blows. Hadn't even taken the time to wrap his hands, he could feel the skin on his knuckles tearing on impact with the bag as he put his full strength into every blow.

Feeva entered quietly, trying to not draw any attention to herself. She observed him a moment.

"You're really hitting that bag hard," she said. "Want to talk about it? To a friend..." She offered.

Kas was startled by her voice and turned his eyes were full of rage... He paused when he saw his friend. "Feeva? Which of them of them called you?"

Kas took a deep calming breath as waited for her answer. The pain from his bleeding knuckles barely registered as he thought of how his daughter had been treated.

"Rodriguez," she said. "Please don't be upset with her. She just cares," she said. "She thought you might be on the edge of a rage. What's going on? Is Keena ok? Is it work?" She asked. "I can talk to the Captain, and Chalan..." she said.

"It's not work," Kas said. "Keena covered her cranial ridges before she was going to say prayers because her grandmother told her she needed to do that so the Prophets would forgive her race."

The Hybrid turned and swung his fist at the heavy bag again the blow hit the bag with such force it broke the chain flew several feet and hit the wall with a thud,

"I know that bitch has never liked me, but... What the Fuck!"

Feeva simply nodded. She understood what he was implying. "That is...I don't know your former mother in law, but I know if someone said that to my child, I'd feel the same way as you," she said. "I hope you've told Keena that she's perfect how she is. We don't have a religion of any sorts on Vissia, so please forgive me if I bungle this, but...it's my understanding that the Prophets and such are supposed to be all forgiving. Why wouldn't they accept a mixed-race child?" She mused. "But what is important is that YOU do," she said. "And I know you love her, it's quite obvious," she said. "Sometimes, the elders among us are stuck in old mindsets. It doesn't necessarily make them bad people, just...misguided," she said. "My husband's family had a bit of that going on-they didn't understand my people's background, and thought it was "weird" that Eoin chose an alien woman instead of a Human. I admit that it hurt my feelings. They DID eventually come around, and they love Leena and have never said a cross word to her, but it took time. I had to show them that we're more alike than we are different," she said.

"She is never going to see Keena again!" Kas growled. "I will encourage Keena to learn about the Prophets as my mother asked me to, but I won't that woman near my child again! Hell if we weren't light-years apart I'd send that bitch to the Celestial Temple!"

Fee reached out and touched his arm, to ground him. She nodded.
"I don't blame you," she said. "Violence won't fix it, though. I do understand your anger, and you're entitled to it."

"As for the Prophets, you've got the theory right." Kas dropped his eyes to the floor, remembering the day his faith died. "I haven't followed the Prophets in years."

Feeva nodded. "I kind of figured that out," she said, softly. "But that doesn't matter. I feel like...my personal view is that if you are an otherwise good person, and do your best to be kind...you'll be alright in the afterlife, if there is one," she said. "And if there isn't...well. Your memory will live on as someone who was above the rest," she said. She shrugged gently. Some people sometimes judged her for not having a religion, but she had never felt like she was lacking.

She took his arm again, so he couldn't hurt himself. "Let's talk...somewhere else," she said. "The Arboretum, perhaps. Some fresh air will do you well," she said.

“There's a first aid kit on the wall.”Kas looked at the blood on his knuckles and flexed his fingers and fists to make sure nothing was broken.

Feeva nodded, and turned around to get the kit. She set it down on a nearby weight bench and opened it, selecting a few items.

“I don't want to walk around the ship with bloody knuckles,” he chuckled. “Those who blame my temper on my Klingon heritage, have never seen my Bajoran mother defending her son. I will call her and have her handle Ayala.”

Feeva smiled. "It's excellent she defends you," Feeva said, starting first aid on his hands. "You really hurt yourself," she said. She applied some antibiotic cream, and a gauze to stop the bleeding. Over that, she applied some medical tape, which served as stitches of a sort. "Be careful using your hands," she said. Before she returned the items to the kit, she did what she was used to with Leena-brought his hands to her face, and kissed his bandages. "There, that'll help. I do that to Leena," she said, with a shrug. She turned away to put the kit back. "Arboretum, then? Or the Lounge? Somewhere else?"

Kas gave Fee a soft smile, his anger had subsided and he was grateful for her company. He stood and offered her his arm. "The Arboretum would be lovely. Thank you for patching my hands up."

She nodded. "Of course, can't have people think I am winning when we fight," she joked. "Let me put this away, and then we can go."

A bit later, they were seated under a large tree in the Arboretum. It was dead quiet, as one would expect for the late hour. "Is there more you're upset about it? Not that what Keena told you isn't plenty," she said. "If my in-laws so much as THOUGHT something like about Leena, they'd never see her again, and I'd be in jail," she said.

“I want my child to believe in something, right now that’s the Prophets.” Kas took a moment to collect his thoughts, “When I was Keena’s age I believed in the Prophets, I could hear them speak to my heart. I listen to my mother tell how they delivered her from the Cardassians and brought my stepfather and stepbrother into our lives. I went to temple, I studied the ancient texts. The elders wanted to make me a shaman…”

Kas closed his eyes as thought back to that day and suppressed his tears…

Feeva listened, remaining silent until he was done.

"When I was a teenager when the Dominion War broke out, when I was fifteen the Cardassians attacked Omaga station during a Union Festival. It was the first time I’d seen battle. I took lives that day… My Brother and I took a shuttle to defend the station. We crippled one of their frigates, but the plasma manifold ruptured… He was burned alive… The Prophets were silent… A day may come went they go silent for her as well.”

Fee nodded quietly. "I can understand how something like that would cause you to question the power of your beliefs," she said. "That's why I am sort of glad that we don't have a religious system on Vissia. However, my husband did...some kind of Sol religion called Catholic. They were devout, my husband a bit less so, but still quite conservative," she said. "When he died, I remember his mother wailing, asking why God would allow her son to die. I simply had to tell her that it was an accident, and sometimes bad things happen to good people. I don't believe in divine intervention; no one's path is predetermined. We have choices we can make," she said. "I am sorry to hear about your brother." At least it had been quick.

"I still believe in something," Kas stated. looking out at the quiet nature of the Arboretum. "The shamans say my fall from faith was a natural progression of my beliefs. If that is true I will have to be there for Keena went that happens... My parents weren't there for me... My Stepfather was a quiet man to begin with, but he rarely spoke in presidents after Tura died. My Mother's talk of faith felt hollow. In the end, she felt like she lost both her sons that day."

Feeva nodded. "I can help you to navigate that if we're still...friends," she said. The child was still so young that it wouldn't happen for a while, she imagined. "You needn't blame yourself for the shortcomings of your mother, nor the Shamans," she said. "Some people find faith a comfort, while some of us find comfort in other things, like people, or logic, for the Vulcans," she said. "And it is OK to believe something different than Keena. It's ok to explore and take things from many different faiths and decide what works for YOU and discard the rest," she said.

Kas nodded, "These things are difficult, but I'm sure you're right. I will guide Keena on his spiritual journey, she's been asking about my childhood a lot lately. I still have trouble talking about Tura... I've been dreaming about him..."

Feeva nodded. "You can tell her," she said. "I can talk you through some age appropriate language. Kids understand more than we think they do, though." She smiled lightly. "When I had to tell Leena about her father...I simply told her the truth, in a simple manner. That there had been an accident, her daddy wasn't going to be gone forever-that that was called death-but he loved her SO much and always would. Then I promised I'd do my best. She seemed to understand," Feeva said. "And Keena is older; you won't have to be as delicate as I," she said. "I remember when my mother left...my father just told me simply. "Feeva, yer ma has gone off and she can't be located. We're on our own. I can't promise it'll be good, but I promise I love you." She could feel herself well up, but fought it back. "So...really. They know."

Kas took Fee’s hand and leaned in, touching his forehead to hers. “Thank you for sharing, my father left when I was young as well. It’s an honor to voyage with you and your daughter.”

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