Analyze This!

Posted on Mon Jan 1st, 2024 @ 1:01am by

2,283 words; about a 11 minute read

Mission: Mission 1: Campor III - Resupply
Location: Counseling Office
Timeline: MD (C3-12) 1500

ON:

Paisley wandered the halls outside of the Counseling office. She didn't mind it, usually. She liked having a Ship's Counselor around to bounce ideas off of and to vent to. Unlike some officers, she recognized the necessity and the good it did.

Today was a bit different. Paisley wasn't good with Big Feelings. She was more or less evenly-keeled, and recovered from things quickly. So when she had feelings she didn't know how to handle, she sought help. It just seemed...a bit selfish, given they were in the middle of chaos. On the other hand, she needed to be "on." She was dressed to kill today-something that Paisley liked. She was wearing a floral sundress, high heeled white sandals, and a big, black hat. She wore hats for fashion, and loved the feeling. She wore a bit of makeup, as well. She was off duty, and expected to meet Jason later that day, but for now, she was just prancing around the ship, bored with things.

Feeva heard the rustling the Commander was making. She was well-trained to notice people's strange behaviors, after all. After a moment of letting the woman pace, she stood up and crossed to the door. "Miss F'rar...I can see you anytime, when you're ready," she said, her brown eyes friendly. You had to approach engineers with caution, she knew. They were tricksy.

She watched as the woman let herself into Feeva's office. It had changed since the first week-it was now painted a muted dove-grey, a color that Feeva had read was calming. Her overstuffed couch was here-a dark berry red, but it was her favorite. It had once lived in her bedroom back on Vissia, and had been her grandmother's before hers. A matching, but much newer replicated Armchair stood on the other side, draped with a shawl. Both had throw pillows. Sometimes, Leena napped in there when Fee had to work late evenings.

"How can I help you today?" Feeva said, settling into the armchair, and resting her knee on the arm. It nearly swallowed her whole.

Paisley sighed. "I am not sure. I am feeling a bit...stuck. I figured talking it out would help," she said.

Feeva nodded. "It often can. Tell me what's going on." She waited for the Engineer to start. Feeva had long ago learned to read people, both in sessions and in public, and while she had picked up that the Chief Engineer was a self-confident woman, she had also sensed a bit of a neuroticism issue bubbling below-her loudness and propensity for drink and partying suggested that there was more going on underneath her interior. Feeva was intrigued.

Paisley nodded. "I am just...overwhelmed, I think. Maybe? I am not sure how to put it into words. I feel...ineffective as a leader, and lost as a person. I came here to take the Chief Engineer job, that's true, but I wasn't really prepared for doing that on a ship of this size," she said. "And now I am the youngest chief engineer in the Fleet," she said. "And I worry every day that it isn't good enough. Or worse-that I've peaked. Where do I go NOW?" She settled back a little.

Feeva smiled. "Those are all valid concerns," she began. "I don't blame you for feeling anxiety for those things. HOWEVER. I am a little older than you, and have been around the Fleet long enough to know that if you weren't doing a good job, someone would've told you by now," she said. "And so what if this your peak? You can just continue to be a Chief Engineer for the rest of your career. There is also the Command track," she said. "Being an Engineer would afford you the opportunity to have a family in the future, for example," she said.

Paisley raised an eyebrow. "I guess you're right; especially Kendri would tell me, I think," she said. "I don't plan to have a family; I might marry someday, but I am uninterested in raising children," she said. "For now, anyway." She smiled. "I like children, don't get me wrong. It's just not my personality," she said. "Besides, I only just began to see someone, and we're DEFINITELY not there yet," she said.

Feeva leaned forward slightly. She watched the other woman's body language-when she mentioned she was seeing someone, her feet moved inwards, and her expression had changed for a second. Happy. Hmm. Feeva simply nodded, though.

"That's wonderful," she said. "I am, of course, not suggesting that you do this NOW, just something to keep in mind. But if your command style is anything like your Engineering style, you could really go places," Feeva said. "My late husband was an engineer; I learned a few things." She paused. "So I think you're going to be ok."

Paisley nodded, but smiled lightly. "An Engineer, huh? Excellent taste," she joked. "There is something else...I found out that my mother's cousin is also in the Fleet. I was...my mother was a Bajoran comfort woman near the end of the occupation...I want to write or contact her. Do you think...that'd be ok? Her name is Nairut. Nairut Noxi...she is a counselor, like you, on the USS Deliverance," she said. " I just...I don't know if that kind of thing is ok."

Feeva sighed, and took a moment to consider a response. "I don't know if it is, either, truthfully. This is the first time in my career that someone has said something like that. What I think is...if it is something that would put your mind at ease and help you to keep a strong connection to your mother, then do it. I cannot predict how this Nairut would take the news, but what I CAN do is contact their Chief Counselor and give them a warning that a crew member may receive some distressing news and to keep an eye out," she said. "It would be completely nameless and confidential-I wouldn't even tell them the details. Should I do that?"

Paisley considered a moment. "I suppose if it's confidential, that would be ok," she said. She paused. "I understand that we're headed to Cardassian-held airspace in awhile. I think...I think that's where the problem stems. I was raised on Cardassia Prime. I don't think I need to tell you that Hybrids, particularly those of us with Bajoran mixes, aren't usually...well received. The ONLY thing that spared me from the worst of the ridicule and bullying is that my father was someone," she said. "What I mean is, his storied military career and political motivations shielded me from a lot. A lot that others had to face. And I know I am lucky in that sense, but really. Even though I wasn't subjected to an outward display of hatred, I had only one close friend after we moved back to Cardassia. It was very lonely, growing up. My father basically dropped me off at his house, and left me alone to fend for myself when I was twelve. The lady who lived next door, Mrs. Goji Iamlar, sometimes checked on me, but...I could've likely just disappeared into the Ether, and no one would've noticed. Luckily for my father, I had a distaste for danger, even back then, so. And since I only had my one friend, I didn't go to parties. I was a bit...the humans say "loose", in my teenage years, but still. I was always home when he bothered to show up. Usually, it was when he had a new girlfriend. He'd bring me presents- a new dress, and I was expected to play a part-perfect daughter, and we pretended to be happy little family," she said, a little meanly. "And then...he'd get bored of her, and bring in a new one, ad nauseam, each prettier than the last, but each an even worse mother figure than her predecessor. He married two-they didn't last long, though. Six months with the first-her name was Jacar Paima-she was also Cardassian, but was raised on Ordeve, a neutral refugee planet," Paisley said. She finally stopped talking.

Feeva's head spun. She wasn't used to patients who just....info dumped at her. She was used to coaxing it out of people. It was a nice change-but it was a LOT. She decided to begin at the beginning, choosing her words carefully.

"That is a lot for a child to deal with," she said. "I am glad you were spared the worst of the treatment-I have, indeed, heard some tales. Not all are as lucky as you, and I am glad you recognize that," she said. "Perhaps your needing to grow up and raise yourself so early in life is what lead you to be, as you said, the youngest Chief Engineer in the fleet. That is a feat, but not an easy one, and I recognize that it takes a gumption that only people who may have had to become accustomed to taking care of themselves has," she said. Truly, she wanted to smack people upside their heads-children of all ages needed careful guidance in their lives. "I noted that you mentioned that you were a...precocious teenager. Why did you mention that?" She asked. It stuck out to her-no one mentioned that sort of thing in casual conversation, even with a counselor, at their first visit.


"OH! Um...well. I only mentioned it because I think...I really like this guy I am seeing currently, but sometimes I still fight the urge to...have some excitement, you know? Like..I don't want to settle, but on the other hand, that's all I want." She nodded.

Feeva smiled. "That makes sense. I think that, given your childhood, that sort of confusion is natural. You're scared to give up your independence. However, you also said it was early still-you may be reading far more into it than what is there," she said. She paused to let Paisley absorb the information. "Also. You never mentioned your father's second wife. Do you want to talk about it now?" She asked, gently.

Paisley sat in the Counselor's couch, silently cursing her loud mouth. Dammit, why couldn't she shut up? She sighed, but nodded. "Sure! I think that I didn't mention it because it's very new. Like, just a few weeks ago. And she's my age. I don't know how to process that my step-mother is the same age as me," she said. "She's Human, from Earth...wants to meet me," she said, rolling her eyes. "I suppose it makes sense, though. I mean, my father isn't that old, he still has time to have more children if he wanted to. Good Cardassian children, who will fight, and take up arms against the Romulans, or whatever the hell he's on now," she said. "He definitely was NOT happy when I joined the Academy, and he's not very supportive of my career," she shared. "We are very different people-he's motivated by power and greed. I am motivated by hard work and a sense of justice. I sometimes wonder if my mother didn't pull some kind of switch on him at birth-stolen some other, fully Bajoran kid instead," she joked.

Feeva smiled. "Perhaps she did," she said. "I can't tell you what to think, but my father is single, as well. If he married a woman my age, I think I would feel...angry, disappointed, maybe a bit disgusted. It does suggest a bit of maladation," she said. "However. You don't. Honestly, you seem very WELL adjusted. Better than I would expect," she said. "That is to say...you have time to achieve whatever you wish. You have time to work through your feelings. You have time to forgive-IF you wish, but if you don't-that's ok, too. My advice is to just take it day by day. If, as you say, his record is what it is, I don't think you should put too much stock into what your father does-seems to me that this wife might be a filler until he finds someone more suitable," she said. "Just...enjoy your life. Enjoy your boyfriend, and don't worry about where you are in your career," she said.

Paisley smiled. She did feel better. "Thank you, I will. OH...that's the other thing. Do you think it's ok if I outrank him a little?"

Feeva nodded. "Yes, so long as it's not, say, a Cadet, you're ok," she said, with a laugh. "I actually outranked Eoin for a few years. THAT was awkward. He finally got a promotion, but I had a longer time in rank anyway," she said. "It's fine. It works out. So long as you both stay discreet and he isn't a direct subordinate, I don't think anyone cares. And I haven't seen you being outwardly inappropriate, so I trust you understand that," she said. She glanced at her chronometer.
"We still have a bit of time, if you have anything else on your mind," she said.

Paisley shook her head. "NO! I've taken up enough of your time with my nonsense," she said, standing up. "Thank you! I'll see myself out, no need," the Engineer said, bustling to her feet, and out the door, practically skipping down the hall.


"Alright!" Feeva said, shaking her head in mildly amused bewilderment as the other woman left. She sighed, but opened the door fully to let in the next person. At least someone on this ship was willing to talk so openly with her-a win, in her book.

Off:
LtJG Feeva Drylo
Chief Counselor

and

LCdr Paisley F'rar
Chief Engineer

RSS Feed